In The Chair 65: Ruby Barnes

Merry Christmas, Ruby Barnes!

SantaToymakerChairHow would you describe your Christmas in only three words? 

Ruby: Bloated, lazy, flatulent

If you could have a relationship with a literary festive character who would it be and why?

RubyI would have to go for Mrs Claus because I know the window of opportunity when Mr Claus is going to be away from home. And I know she gets neglected in the run up to Christmas as Santa is too busy minding his elves and petting his reindeer.

If you had to exist for a week in a Christmas story … which one would it be?

Ruby: A Christmas Carol. I’ve always been a bit of a Scrooge and I like having the bejayzus scared out of me.

hannibal_lecter_by_crisvector-d6rnj2aDead or alive literary Christmas lunch: who would you invite, and what would you serve?

Ruby:  I’d invite Hannibal Lecter and serve up a few “friends” who have done me disservice, plus a nice Chianti. Skip the fava beans as I’ve always found them a bit sour. If Hannibal the Cannibal is busy then I would go for a more orthodox Yuletide invite list with Thomas Hardy, Agatha Christie, John Irving, John Fowles, Ian Banks and Emily Bronte. I’d still serve up a few “friends” but would cunningly disguise the meat as local Irish cuisine.

If you had to write a Christmas themed story in your current genre, what would the title be? 

Ruby: 2015 has been the year of the zombie for Ruby Barnes so it would be something biblical but undead – Return of The Baptist.

What do you dislike the most about Christmas?

WP_20140622_003Ruby: Being trapped in a cold and draughty house for days on end with the Outlaws.

Favourite Festive Word?  

Ruby: Crumble. Christmas is one of the few times of the year that there’s always apple or rhubarb crumble available with custard. I like it cold so the whole thing gets kind of stodgy. I also like the word crumble as it sounds a bit like Christmas, but mainly because the “cr” sound makes Mrs R cringe like a crazy cry-baby. Actually now I’m really looking forward to Christmas.

Ruby Barnes was in the Christmas chair: Ruby’s work can be found at and he has a little something for ya at

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